


3am Thoughts

by GirlyPhantom



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Be safe please, Bullying, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Creepy, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Hanging Out, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, No Happy Ending Fest, One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Notes, trigger warning guys please be safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23706652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlyPhantom/pseuds/GirlyPhantom
Summary: It's 3am the night before the festival and Sayori still hasn't gone to sleep.
Relationships: Monika/Protagonist (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Monika/The Player (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Protagonist/Sayori (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	3am Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Same rules as the game, don't read if you're under the age of 13.
> 
> This fanfiction includes heavy topics. Please be warned this could be triggering to someone with depression or anxiety.
> 
> There is suicide, bullying, suicidal thoughts, and depression discussed in this fic. Reading the tags may be a good idea.
> 
> Please read with caution.

It was the night of, well, technically the morning of the festival and Sayori still had not gotten to sleep. How could she be expected to sleep right now? With all these thoughts buzzing through her head? Of Yuri, of Natsuki, of Monika, of Him...

She tried so hard to ignore them throughout the night, between reading, writing, schoolwork, her phone, but nothing worked and she was left with only them. Although she was so tired of trying, she had fought off feelings like this before, it wasn't the first time such dark thoughts had gone through her head, and she hated that she knew it wouldn't be the last. However, she hated how... final everything had felt lately. The peach haired girl didn't know why but everything felt as though it was coming to a close. Like a chapter was ending...Maybe a new one would begin without her.

Sayori had written her share of suicide notes. She had struggled alone for so long, she had written many drafts in her spare time. Nobody would ever know that, though, not that she would want them to. She was never happy enough with any of them to stick to one, it only stung in her chest as she ripped them up and threw them away. Of course it also hurt not to write them, leaving all these thoughts in her head, unsaid and hurting. Then again, this was something she was used to, all routes ended in pain. The darkness in her mind told her one route didn't lead to pain. That one route, and only one route, would give her relief and make it so that she would no longer burden those who are dear to her with her presence any longer. She was so very close to listening.

She thought of all that was keeping her here, the literature club. The five of them had begun quite a group, truly. Maybe after tomorrow (today?) there would be even more of them. The small girl didn't know why the thought of even that brought a shot of pain through the heart. It had only been them for a short time, but it felt almost like a century, she hadn't wanted it to end. But then again, most of them were graduating soon, they needed a bigger group. The others needed new friends to replace her once she was gone.

The once bubbly girl hated herself for thinking like this. For thinking of leaving. She had heard so many times it was selfish, but what Monika told her was otherwise. Monika had told her she should go through with it. That she should give in. After all, nobody really needed her here. He didn't need her here. And Monika was right. Sure, Natsuki and Yuri had their fights, but they didn't actually need her here to end them. And they would get along better soon. She believed in them. Yuri could always be Vice President instead of her, she would work well along with Monika. Speaking of Monika, she was the one who had told her to do it, so maybe she just never needed her to begin with. After all, she was supposed to be her friend. Maybe everyone agreed with Monika. Maybe she should just listen and follow through with it all.

Sayori thought of him. Of her confession to him earlier that day, his promise to help her. Why did even loving him hurt so badly?

She almost felt bad he would never get to follow through with that. She hoped he wouldn't blame himself for her own actions. Though, it would make sense if he blamed her instead, she was the one who had given up without even giving him a chance. It would make sense. It would be right. Then maybe he could move on easier, with the rest of the literature club. Maybe he would just forget about her and start dating Yuri or Natsuki or maybe even Monika. She hoped he would, they all deserved to be happy, even if she couldn't be. Something inside of her told her to stop thinking like she was leaving. She didn't listen.

These thoughts were looming over her, they overshadowed the poor girl's entire being. She was always good at pretending to be happy and fine for others but it had gotten so hard lately. Everything felt dull and heavy, every ending led to pain, there was no way to fix it. Suddenly Sayori realized she couldn't say she could see herself ever going to the festival. She couldn't say that she could see herself making it past tonight. She knew nobody would even care if she didn't. It really was time to go. It was time to listen to the darkness inside. She tried with one last fleeting thought to convince herself not to. To get the darkness out of her head. She couldn't get it out of her head. Get out of her head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. GET OUT OF MY HEAD. GET OUT OF MY HEAD. **GET OUT OF MY HEAD.**

It didn't get out of her head.

She got out of bed.

She considered drafting a note.

She'd never get the words right.

She got out the rope.

Suddenly, sometime around 4am, Monika was wide awake from her sleep, suddenly full of energy. The cruel puppet master knew what she had successfully done. And she smiled over it.

She decided to get ready early today with her exciting new motivation convincing her to. She got to the classroom early with a pep to her step. The cold girl giggled at the sight of him walking in without **her.** She practically bounced as she spoke to him.

Finally **she** wasn't in the way of her getting him. He was all Monika's. Just Monika's. Just Monika.

He had really left Sayori hanging, huh?


End file.
